What should I do? my daughter has cut me out of her life when she found out, hi everyone Are you a mom who feels like your adult daughter has cut you out of her life, or maybe your son?
I know so many of you are dealing with this right? Today I want to share a
little bit about my story as well as some tips for you. welcome Relationship Recovery Guide I am a mom who walked a difficult road with my daughter for over a decade.
When her life spiraled, so did mine, and I always promised it did not have to be that way. Many people don’t believe me when I say that, but I promise you that it does not have to be that way.
I want to share with you today a little bit about I you know being able to empathize with you. Because I know what it feels like to have your Your daughter or your son cut ties with you right,
my daughter has cut me out of her life when she found out
I mean your daughter cuts you out of your life, your son Cuts you out of his life and some of you are sitting back with your hands in there.
Because you don’t even know what happened. Some of you do know what has happened, some of you have situations from years back maybe when they were a child, maybe your son, or daughter is dealing with mental illness or maybe there’s a drug addiction, or maybe it’s a combination of the two I see that a lot.
letting go of their estranged daughter
Whatever they have going on in their life that is their burden to bear. It doesn’t mean you’re not there to help when it’s appropriate but when we as moms try to take over the reins and try to fix the situation we’re just making it worse.
letter to estranged daughter from mother
So I’m just going to share a little bit about how I too felt you know when my daughter walked away from our family it was the most painful time in my entire life.
This is why I do what I do now because I can empathize with you I’ve been there I know what it feels like and to be honest it was a lot of the grief process right?
It was the shock at first and my shock just kept coming back you know as the stages of grief where you just kind of go in and out of the stages. There is no right or wrong and you’re going to go forwards and backwards.
And all of that I always kept going back to shock, because I was just in complete confusion on what happened where did we go wrong all of these questions that I know you’re asking yourself right.
How to say goodbye to an estranged child
Now and it’s one of those things thats, It’s one of those things that it takes time to accept that you may not know why.
If you are newly estranged and you come to me and I tell you that you’re not able to process that because you’re still in shock right but over a little bit of time you come to be able to realize that you are not going to know all the reasons, why you may not know for a very long time.
If you’re lucky enough you know it won’t be that long, but really, the point of this is you have to take care of yourself, We want to understand the reasons, but we accept that we are probably not going to completely understand.
If you do have the opportunity to speak with your son or daughter, if you’re in a situation where there is still some communication,
I want to emphasize the importance of avoiding blame and focusing on trying to understand rather than assigning fault to your son or daughter or their spouse, their father, or even yourself.
my grown daughter is distant from me
We all play a part in things but at the end of the day, we are talking about adults here. I know they’re your adult children, and as moms, we have this internal emotion that we should be able to control things because that’s what we’ve always done right.
we took care of them and that was our responsibility and you have to learn to let go of that knowing that that’s not your responsibility.
you have to learn that and when there’s some reconciliation or even some closure to this situation, you know it wasn’t for many many years that I was able to hear the words out of my daughter’s mouth that said this had nothing to do with you.
I am the perfect parent of course not none of us are right we’re human we all make mistakes you know my kids grew up with a broken family as well you know. Divorce their father and their biological father They were adopted so they had a great dad in their life.
But that never replaces the biological parent, regardless of who they are what they do or what they’ve done. it still does not replace that and so I just want you to remember that we can’t go back and think that if I had just stayed with that person everything would have been fine.
Because that’s not always the case either, I just wanted to share with you that I too did not learn any detail about anything for a very long. time, and I had to accept that and thankfully I did after many years I realized that I had to be okay, whether my daughter was okay or not.
She’s choosing these things, and I have to choose my path once I could get some closure to that Within Myself even though I wasn’t in communication with her. I had to take care of myself or I wasn’t going to be here to enjoy her when she came back.
I’m really grateful that I had that Epiphany that God spoke to me about because If I had not started to take care of myself I believe fully I wouldn’t even be here today.
and she is back in our lives and we are blessed to have that, but you know what? I wouldn’t have been here to enjoy it.
I wouldn’t have caused even more havoc in her life had something happened to me right? That would have been another traumatic experience, so focusing on you is not selfish, and I also want you to hold on to hope.
There is a delicate balance between accepting the estrangement and the reality of what is right now and maintaining hope for the future there’s a balance.
I’m not saying just pretend what’s happening right now is just not happening and just
Go live in Hope right That’s not what I’m saying I’m saying you need to accept what is right now and focus on how you can better yourself in your own life.
And always have hope for the future because as long as there’s breath There’s Hope right if you’re reading an article it’s because your son or daughter you’re blessed they are still they’re still breathing they’re still there.
There’s always hope I mean you hear a lot of these stories and not just mine where families
are reconciled and I’ve worked with so many moms that also have had that. and I just want to give you that.
